Queen of the Seas
by Daedaleopsis
Summary: A period piece for Talk Like a Pirate Day! Pirate captain Penny has just taken four scholars prisoner. She intends to hold them for ransom, but what will she do when she starts to fall for one of them?
1. Chapter 1

Four men huddled fearfully in the tiny cabin. The clash of swords and gunfire seemed to be getting closer, punctuated by an occasional agonized scream.

"It's the only way," Leonard insisted, pushing his wire-rimmed spectacles higher up on his nose. "If we're captured, we have to pretend to be ordinary people. Look, among the four of us, we have a Danish prince, a German duke, the son of an Indian ambassador, and... a highly skilled engineer," he finished lamely, trying not to look at Howard.

"Hey, make that a highly skilled engineer whose family could buy yours several times over," Howard growled, balling his hands into fists. "Your stupid title is little more than a courtesy. All you're going to inherit is some crumbling pile of rocks that barely qualifies as a castle. Not that Raj and Sheldon are any better. Sheldon's fourteenth in line to the throne, and his social gaffes and scientific experiments make him the black sheep of his whole extended family. And Raj, a diplomat's son, can barely look at a woman, let alone talk to her... unless he breaks the rules of his religion and drinks alcohol, and then he becomes an asinine fool."

Raj began to protest at this, but Leonard cut him off.

"That's a pirate ship that overtook this merchant freighter, and if I'm not mistaken, those pirates are out there making short work of our crew. The only way to save our lives is to convince them we're rich passengers that they can ransom. I don't think they would risk bringing three royal navies down on their heads by kidnapping such important personages as ourselves," Leonard argued, preening a little at that last bit despite the approaching danger.

"It's not the worst idea I've ever heard from you," Sheldon agreed grudgingly.

"Howard, Raj?" The other two men nodded reluctantly, and just in time. The door burst open, its flimsy lock giving way to a heavy belonging to a muscled mountain of a man.

He grinned as he took in the fancy clothes of the unarmed men cowering in the cabin below decks. "Well, what do we have here?" he drawled. "Presents for the captain."

The four of them were dragged unceremoniously, hands bound behind their backs, across a narrow plank to the pirate ship. A black flag sporting a bloody pair of crossed cutlasses waved from the top of the main mast. The crew were some of the roughest men they had ever seen in their relatively sheltered lives. They were dangerous, unwashed savages. Leonard shuddered, wondering what kind of man could keep order over such a cutthroat group.

The hulking pirate left them on the foredeck. "Stay put, and you won't be harmed," he growled. None of them felt reassured by that. After several minutes which felt like hours, they saw a slender figure coming toward them, trailed by the man who had taken them prisoner. As the pirates drew near, Leonard was shocked to see that the one in front was a woman, with golden locks flowing loose from underneath a patterned kerchief tied around her head. He gulped to see a naked sword in her grasp.

"...ten barrels of pickled herring, six bolts of wool, several lengths of mahogany, and these four," the larger man finished, apparently reciting a list of the merchant ship's cargo.

"Dammit, it's been too long since we've had a good catch. Very well, scuttle it and send it to Davy Jones' locker," she ordered impatiently.

There were soft gasps around him as his three friends realized it at the same time as he did: this breathtakingly beautiful woman was the captain.

The man hesitated. The captain, who had been looking over her prisoners with an appraising air, swung back to him with a frown. "Is there a problem, Kurt?" she asked acidly.

"It's a perfectly good ship," he said stubbornly.

She crossed her arms. "We haven't gotten where we are today by being reckless. I don't have the money to refit that scow, even if I wanted to. I know you've been itching to purchase a ship of your own, but that barge couldn't overtake a jellyfish. The answer is no. Now do what I say."

He looked rebellious, but nodded reluctantly and said, "Yes, cap'n," before he walked away.

Awestruck, Leonard watched the female captain as she paced toward them. She looked like a depiction of one of the Norse goddesses he had once seen in a book, all wild blonde locks and fierce beauty, and he already fancied himself in love with her. The sword in her hand gleamed, clearly well-cared for, and she held it with a casualness that belied its weight. At his father's insistence, Leonard had taken fencing lessons, but he had never mastered the foil. He didn't care that the woman of his dreams was rather frightening. Their children would be smart and beautiful, he thought, and she would protect them as only a mother could. He glanced over at his companions. Now if only they would keep their mouths shut before they ruined everything.

* * *

The captain repressed a scowl as she watched Kurt saunter off. There were times when she questioned the wisdom of hiring an ex-lover as her first mate, but he owed her for the second chance she'd given him after his indiscretion. Besides, much as she hated to admit it, some men respected her more for having a walking wall of muscle loyal to her every order.

She turned back to her prisoners. She had high hopes that the four men were important enough to their families that she could collect ransom. She'd never been interested in the drawn-out process of ransoming prisoners, but she wasn't about to ignore the opportunity which had been dropped into her lap. Penny planted a booted foot on the leg of the nearest wretch. "What's your name, lubber?"

The prisoner's gaze roamed up from the tip of her boot, past where her loose-fitting pantaloons belled out just below the knee. He squinted through round spectacles at her heavily embellished bodice and lingered at the generous bosom proudly on display. His jaw slackened, and then dropped open when he finally lifted his eyes to her face.

"Hello. I'm Leonard. Our children will be smart and beautiful," he said dreamily, sounding as if he were bewitched.

She got that a lot, too-both the lustful stares and accusations of using witchcraft to become captain. Her crew all knew better now, of course, but any time they took on new hands, it seemed she had to keelhaul one before the rest learned respect. She smiled sweetly while she slid her boot up to the junction of his legs and applied pressure as her sword appeared at his throat.

"Not to mention imaginary," muttered one of his companions under his breath, drawing her attention. She withdrew her heel from the bespectacled idiot's groin, who slumped over, gasping in pain. Her gaze was drawn to a thin, dark-haired man who glared back at her as if his life was not in her hands.

"Who the blazes do you think you are?" she snapped, flicking his coat lapels with the tip of her saber and thinking the man was a gaudy as a painted whore. He was wearing a magenta coat with a lime-green vest, canary yellow cambric shirt and indigo trousers tucked into sedate brown boots. In comparison, Leonard's garb looked drab and poorly-fitted. A man hardly larger than a boy was resplendent in carnation pink from head to toe, so tight that he could scarcely breathe. The brown-skinned man would have almost blended in with any group of well-dressed young gentlemen, save for the heavy knitted vest he wore.

"My name is Sheldon Cooper, and these are my colleagues: Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz, and Rajesh Koothrapali." There was enough of a hesitation as he gave the strange names to make her wonder if they were real, but she didn't care. Most of her crew had left behind their old identities when they turned pirate, so what did it matter if these men did too?

"So Sheldon, tell me why I shouldn't toss you and your friends here to the sharks."

He blanched a little at that, an impressive feat given the pale shade of his skin. Clearly, he hadn't spent much time above decks on the merchant ship to still be so fair.

"We are four scholars from the University of Berlin," he said. "You can deduce that our families are not without means and would be willing to pay whatever you ask to secure our safe return. If you require further incentive, each of us can use our knowledge of our particular field of study to aid your privateering."

Penny scowled. "We're pirates. I'm Captain Penny Rogers, and you're on my ship, the _Queen of the Seas_. We don't hide behind words like 'privateer', so stop using all that fancy language and tell me what a pirate ship needs with scholars."

To his credit, he kept his composure, even though she still had her sword pointed at him.

"Howard is an engineer," he said, indicating the smallest of his friends. "He can help repair the damage your ship took during the fight as well as make many improvements to its structure."

"My lady," Howard said with a ridiculous leer. He switched to another language and rattled off a few sentences, then continued in what sounded like a second foreign language. "Do you speak Farsi?" he asked.

"Clearly, she does not, or she probably would have skewered you with her sword," Sheldon cut in, sounding bored. "He's been slapped by women from nations you've probably never heard of. Although I don't speak Farsi or Russian, I know him well enough to say that he probably said something to you which is too lewd to be stated in plain English."

Narrowing her eyes at all the men in turn, the captain turned and quickly rapped the flat of her blade across Howard's knuckles. He yelped in pain. "Try that again, and I'll keel haul you," she said.

"Raj is a competent astronomer and can help you determine your position more precisely as well as train your own navigator to do the same," Sheldon continued.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" she asked, gesturing at Raj with her sword. He made a squeaking sound of distress.

"He doesn't talk to women," Howard cut in quickly.

She shook her head in confusion and turned away from Raj.

"I am one of the most intelligent men in Europe," Sheldon asserted immodestly. "While any explanation of my field of study would clearly be beyond your ability to comprehend, I am certain I can solve any problem you can pose."

She glanced over at the one man he hadn't mentioned. "And what of your friend here, the one who wants to be a eunuch?"

"Leonard will assist me," he replied immediately. His confidence went well into the realm of arrogance, but she rather liked it. He may be obnoxious, but he had the kind of attitude that might make him at home on a pirate ship. It probably didn't win him many friends in the polite societies of Europe, assuming he was telling the truth about being quality. She believe him about that, though. The four men's clothes were made of the best materials. If she wasn't mistaken, those were real gemstones sewn into the vest of the dark-skinned one.

Turning her attention back to the man in front of her, she said, "What if I asked you to help me find out the route of a cargo ship of the East India Trading Company?"

He shrugged. "Child's play. I can do that and determine the best location for an ambush. I can even devise strategies which may allow you to capture the ship rather than sending it to the bottom."

She shot him a steely-eyed look at that remark, but he returned her gaze calmly. He seemed to have no idea that he had just insulted her abilities as a captain. So he was brilliant, arrogant, rude and seemingly with few morals. He might fit in with her crew better than she thought.

"You've got yourself a deal," she declared. She spat into her palm and held it out to him to seal their bargain.

He looked at her in horror. "Good Lord, woman, I'm not touching you. Do you have any idea of how many germs are contained in human saliva?" he cried.

She stared at him in disbelief, then sighed. Who knew what strange impulse had led her to imagine he might become part of her crew. She had obviously been way off on that one. "Gentlemen, until my ransom demands are met, you'll be guests on board my ship. You'll work for your room and board, same as everyone else, but as my guests, you will not be harmed. Now cut them loose and show them to their bunks," she said tiredly to a nearby crewman, then turned and walked away. The interview with the prisoners was over.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing the two self-proclaimed "physicists" did was to appropriate any manner of tools aboard Penny's ship to recreate the equipment she had sent to the bottom of the sea. Then they started asking Kurt, who also served as the ship's blacksmith, to make them specialized pieces. Kurt was not at all amused, and Penny found herself running interference between them even as she cursed the scientists at length. While Howard and Raj dove into their tasks with a cheerful willingness, Sheldon and Leonard constantly bickered with each other and anyone else who questioned their work. She was amused to see that Leonard capitulated to Sheldon's high-handed demands almost all the time, but every so often, he would dig in his heels and Sheldon would give way instead. Despite their strangeness and the chaos they brought to her ship, Penny found herself growing rather fond of each of the four men.

Of all the scholars, Sheldon was the one most likely to clash with her. He simply had no respect for rank or status. The positive side of that was that he never treated her differently because she was a woman, apart from a few snide comments about her large, mannish hands. In response, she spread them out in front of her and told him how they had helped her pass for a young man when she was first learning to be a sailor. She found herself spending more time with him than anyone else aboard. She was especially delighted to find that he was a decent fencer. The two of them would often practice on the aft deck, and the crew members loved to gather to watch them. They all agreed that Sheldon fought like a gentleman, and that was why he always lost. Penny had any number of dirty tricks up her sleeve, and she never fought fair.

She spent hours talking to him while pouring over charts in her cabin. Sheldon seldom spoke about his own past, only occasionally letting slip the tiniest morsels of information. One time, in a rare candid moment, he told her about a time when he had slipped past the guards at the Royal Treasury in Copenhagen. He explained that he needed a diamond that was larger than twenty carats for a telescope he was building, and that was the only place to find one. Amused and skeptical, she asked what happened.

"I got caught red-handed," he confessed glumly. "They dragged me before the king, who agreed to drop all charges if I would swear an oath of fealty to him."

"And did you?" she asked.

He nodded while a muscle twitched under his right eye. He clapped a hand to his face and then confessed, "But I crossed my fingers behind my back as I said the oath."

Penny laughed delightedly. She didn't believe his stories for a minute, but she loved that he could come up with such crazy inventions on the spot. He claimed to be a genius, and the more she got to know him, the more she could tell he was right. When he was seized by one of his ideas, there was no telling what mad thing he would do next, but she liked that side of him.

* * *

Sheldon was clearly enthused about his task, charting ocean currents and writing algorithms to predict the movement of ships and cargo. He threw himself into his project with the same enthusiasm with which he approached any of his experiments at university. Raj and Howard also seemed to be enjoying their time aboard ship. Raj especially had become very close with the ship's cook, a slender, curly-haired man named Stuart. Only Leonard still fretted about the ethics of his work.

"I just don't know if I feel right about all this. I mean, we're working for pirates. They're outlaws, even if the captain is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Leonard commented to Sheldon as they were trying to fashion an astrolabe from the primitive tools on board the ship.

"The captain is quite aesthetically pleasing, but I fail to see how her appearance relates to her legal status," Sheldon commented.

Leonard squinted suspiciously up at his friend. "Wait, did you just say Penny was pretty?"

Sheldon sighed. "If you insist on paraphrasing my words, then yes, I suppose I did. Now hand me that lathe."

Leonard let the matter drop, but he didn't forget his friend's words. _I saw her first_ , he thought sulkily to himself. Sheldon wouldn't know what to do with a woman even if one threw herself at him. He had seen women do just that-make fools of themselves over an oblivious Sheldon. There was even one woman who was auditing classes at the university. Sheldon had seemed partial to her. Seeing this, his parents had thrown them together at every opportunity, and the woman, Lady Amelia, soon acted as if Sheldon was hers. When she attempted to kiss him, however, she earned herself a blistering lecture from the outraged physicist. From then on, Sheldon assiduously avoided her, leading Leonard, Raj and Howard to speculate that he had no interest in any woman, nor did he show the slightest preference for men. Science was his only passion, but now his interest in Penny, however slight it would be for any other man, had Leonard sweating. For Leonard, Penny's unconventionality was a deterrent to his romantic fantasy, which involved her falling so hard for him that she would leave her life of crime to keep his house and bear his children. To think that Sheldon might actually like her because of those qualities, or at least not in spite of them, made Leonard acutely uneasy.

Sheldon ground his teeth as he attempted once again to explain to the captain exactly why she was so wrong. Every time he thought he had made his point, she seemed to slip around his logic and come at the argument from a different angle, which often had nothing to do with the original premise. The woman so aggravated him that his heart began to pound in his chest every time he saw her. Her masculine attire was so startling that he couldn't help but notice the way the fabric of her trousers clung to her hips and buttocks. With no more than a glance, the images were seared into his mind. They reappeared, as if to torture him, at the most inappropriate times, like now in the middle of an argument. Yet he couldn't help but also find her lack of deference refreshing. His birthright caused most people to kowtow to him and hanging on his every word. He would have appreciated the deference if the reason for it had been his intellectual genius. The fact that most of the people he encountered were sycophantic ninnies who cared more for a hereditary title than any accomplishment infuriated him. Perhaps that was why he continued to find excuses to seek Penny out, even if only to argue with her.

* * *

They had been on the Queen of the Seas for just under a month when Sheldon announced that they were ready to test their predictive model (that was what he called it). Penny didn't care what big words he used, as long as it got her the results she wanted. She was eager for a prime catch, and even more eager to see if these crazy men were of any use to her. Howard and Raj had blended in with the crew better than she thought possible. She even suspected that there was something going on between Raj and Stuart, the ship's cook. Leonard, however, was beginning to become a problem. Working in close proximity with him seemed to reinforce his notion that given time, she would succumb to his dubious charms. His delusions she could handle, but the way he treated her as if she were some delicate, helpless female set her teeth on edge. He offered his hand to steady her when they were on deck together. He opened doors for her and paid her flowery compliments. So far, she had decided to just ignore his semi-insulting attentions, but a day of reckoning might be coming.

So when Sheldon proudly told her that his formula was ready, she headed as quickly as she could for the nearest port. For a few pieces of eight, she bought information about the _Mariposa_ , a Spanish galleon whose cargo was rumored to be gold bullion. She would have taken a fierce pleasure in raiding a ship of the East India Company, since they were dedicated to eradicating piracy in the Caribbean. But the lure of gold was too tempting to resist. Her crew had been chomping at the bit for a decent prize, ever since their capture of the merchant ship had gained them very little profit.

Back on her ship, Sheldon spread out the maps and in a few minutes, showed her where they could intercept the _Mariposa_. Once again, she frowned in confusion and began shaking her head.

"You must have done your numbers wrong. Why would a heavy-laden ship risk sailing so close to the coral reefs? If the wind came around, they'd find themselves run aground in an instant."

"Doubtless that is precisely why they chose that route, because it is the last place anyone would look for them," Sheldon said haughtily. "And I'm never wrong."

She grinned. Far from annoying her, his attitude actually excited her. It was so similar to the confidence she had to show her crew all the time, even when she really wasn't sure of her decisions. She allowed her imagination to wander, picturing him as part of her crew. She could see him, perched high aloft in the rigging, the wind molding his shirt and breeches to his wiry form. She swore quietly under her breath as she realized the direction her thoughts were taking her. He wasn't classically handsome, but his intelligence and self-assuredness had clearly caught her fancy. She couldn't afford to be attracted to him. He was still technically her prisoner. Eventually, when they made their way to a larger port town, she would have to send off those ransom letters to their families. That prospect was becoming less appealing to her as the days passed. Yet Sheldon was clearly from quality, maybe even nobility. What would he want with a ragtag pirate wench, even one who was a captain?


	3. Chapter 3

From the safety of the ship, Sheldon could hear Penny's wild battle cry drifting across the water. The ringing clash of swords was punctuated by the screams of dying men, which he was confident was only the crew of the _Mariposa_. He had wondered if he would be affected when his information led to men's deaths but found he cared not a whit for them. All he could feel was a fierce satisfaction at being proven right. Victory was indeed sweet. As he watched from the porthole of the captain's cabin, he saw Penny swing back aboard her ship with the aid of a rope. Leonard was right there at the railing to offer her a helping hand, which she knocked aside scornfully. Then he could no longer see her but only hear the pounding of her heeled boots as she ran along the deck. The door of the cabin was flung open, and Penny burst in.

"We did it!" she cried jubilantly. "Their crew fought to the last man, but we took the ship. The hold is full of bullion, just like you said. You really are a genius," she said breathlessly. In the next moment, she had thrown her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.

He froze. Penny was kissing him… _him_ , not Leonard or Howard or even Kurt. Hot desire roared through his veins even as the logical part of his brain was trying to tell him that her mouth was full of germs. He'd never kissed a woman before-been kissed, yes-but he had never wanted to touch someone, to act on the base urges that suddenly gripped him. He desperately wanted to know if she meant it, or if she was merely carried away by her excitement. His lack of experience also acted against him. Most men his age had been taken to a brothel as a young man, usually by their fathers, and turned over to a prostitute to "make a man out of him". Fortunately, his parents had recognized that it was useless to even try that with him, but now he felt a stab of uncertainty. He had no idea what to do.

He had barely begun to process all these contradictory and alarming thoughts when Penny slipped out of his grasp. She gave him an indecipherable look as her cheeks flamed red. "Oh, bollocks" she said, and then she spun on her heel and fled.

Sheldon stared after her, still unsure of what to do. When it came to science, astronomy, physics and mathematics, he was in complete command and totally sure of himself. But this was a new situation for which he had no parameters. _Perhaps I should write an algorithm_ , he thought to himself. But he remained exactly where he was, unable to move. That was where Leonard found him moments later.

"I just saw the captain come tearing out of here. Were the two of you fighting again?" Leonard asked accusingly, giving him a reproachful look.

Sheldon took a deep breath. "No… not fighting. She… she kissed me," he said faintly.

"You must be joking... you're not joking, are you? Noooo," Leonard wailed dramatically, sinking down onto Penny's berth. "That's not fair. You know I saw her first. What could she possibly see in you anyway?" After a few seconds, he sat up again, an avaricious gleam in his eyes. "Wait a minute. She looked upset. You didn't kiss her back, did you?"

"I wanted to, but I've never read a treatise on how to kiss a woman," Sheldon said regretfully. "I had no frame of reference for the situation."

"Ha, I knew it! I still have a chance!" Leonard cried.

"A chance for what?" Sheldon cried in alarm. He had been thinking that if only he could somehow explain to Penny… but he couldn't imagine how he could do so without letting slip that he had been deceiving her for weeks.

"It's okay, buddy. I understand how you are. It's not Penny's fault; she has no idea what you're like. I'll go talk to her and make her understand. Okay, buddy?" Leonard tilted his head up toward his tall friend.

Sheldon nodded in relief. Leonard was much more adept at handling social situations that he was. If Leonard talked to Penny, maybe he could frame Sheldon's reaction in a way that would make sense to her. Maybe she would be willing to give him a second chance. A sudden thought gave Sheldon pause.

"Please don't tell her that was my first kiss," he said quietly.

Leonard gave him an odd look. "It wasn't. Don't you remember how that long-faced Lady Amelia cornered you in the library and threw herself at you?"

Sheldon shuddered. "I wish I could forget. Penny was the first woman that mattered."

Leonard stared at him in stony-faced silence for several long moments. Finally, he said, "I'll go talk to her right now." With that, he spun on his heel and left.

* * *

"I saw her first," Leonard muttered angrily to himself as he mounted the short flight of stairs to the main deck. The truth was, with Sheldon's superior eyesight, it was very likely that Leonard was wrong, but he couldn't admit that, even to himself. He was so tired of Sheldon constantly showing him up, proving superior to him in every way. In fact, the veneer of their friendship barely concealed the deep well of jealousy and animosity Leonard felt for Sheldon.

* * *

Penny gripped the wooden rail of the aft deck and stared stonily at the beautiful flaming colors of the sunset. She'd always been good at concealing her emotions when needed, pretending that everything was fine when she was really scared or furious. Some acquaintances had even suggested she belonged up on a stage. But a profession in which a woman's favors were assumed to be for sale to wealthy "patrons" was not a life she could stomach. Pirate she may be, but that didn't mean she was without standards. She took lovers as she choose, never for money. She frowned, her thoughts coming back to the source of her dissatisfaction. Kurt had been a mistake-either sleeping with him or then hiring him as first mate, she wasn't sure. Now she was dangerously close to getting emotionally involved with another man on board the _Queen_. The only improvement in the situation was that Sheldon hadn't sworn an oath to follow her command. But now she felt humiliated, throwing herself at a man who was so clearly disinterested. The worst part was that she knew she would have just laughed off the rejection if she hadn't cared so much for him.

Penny stiffened as she heard an uneven footfall behind her, obviously one of the landlubbers. She had a suspicion she knew which one.  
"A gentleman would never allow a damsel in distress to go unaided."  
Penny's fingernails dug a little deeper into the wooden balustrade. "My crew knows that I'm not to be disturbed when I come out here," she snarled.  
"Good thing I'm not a member of your crew," Leonard replied smugly.  
She spun around to glare at him. "Be grateful you're not, or else I'd have you strung up on the yardarms. Now stow your sorry carcass below decks."

"Sheldon asked me to come talk to you."

Her cheeks flamed red even as she couldn't stop herself from saying, "He did?"

"Yeah, um, you see… Sheldon's always been strange. He's never shown much interest in any person in a romantic sense. There was this one woman back home, every bit as much a scholar as all the men at university. Sheldon seemed rather taken with her for a while, but then she kissed him. He threw a fit and stopped speaking to her. He just doesn't have it in him, you see." He moved closer, tilting his head to one side as he gave her a beseeching look appropriate to a starving pup. Then he laid a hand on her arm. "Don't waste all your beauty on someone who can't appreciate you. Sheldon's not the man for you; I am."  
She eyed his hand like it was a three-day old fish. "Remove your hand before you earn yourself a taste o' the cat," she growled.  
"Are you the cat, milady?" he asked in a suggestive tone, pursing his lips and leaning close.  
Her response was to haul back and punch him in the mouth, followed by a swift kick to the place she had injured when he first came on board. Two crewmen appeared seconds after she gave a piercing whistle. "String him up, me hearties, and we'll see how he sings," she said with a wicked gleam in her eyes.  
In moments, the crew had gathered on deck. Leonard was lashed tightly to the mainsail, alternately begging for mercy and whining how she had wanted him to kiss her. Penny stroked the braided handle of the cat o' nine tails. Her crew were not as raucous as usual at a beating, and she wondered if they were concerned about the ransom money. They should have more faith in her than that. Raising her arm, she swung the whip, lashing it so the cords whistled through the air. Then she snapped it in Leonard's direction. He screamed, high-pitched like a woman, and slumped unconscious in his bonds. Her mouth twisted in a wry grimace. She hadn't so much as torn his shirt. She walked closer and noted the dark stain down the front of his trousers with a deep sense of vindication.

"Fun's over, my lads," she called to the crew. "Cut him loose and dunk him in the sea to wash him off," she ordered. By this point, even the dimmest of her crew were laughing at the joke. She hoped this curbed his insulting behavior once and for all, but it did nothing to soothe the pain of her unrequited feelings for Sheldon.


	4. Chapter 4

Penny leaned her elbows against the deck rail and watched the waves churn past the sleek sides of her ship. Their hold was full of pirated gold ingots, and they were headed to a nearby port. The men were due for some highly-prized shore leave, where most of them would doubtless blow their entire share of the gold on grog, dice and women. It was what pirates did, but this time, Penny had no intention of joining them on land. She was still smarting from Sheldon's rejection. Knowing that meant that she had somehow developed genuine feelings for him only increased her melancholy. The only bright spot in the past few days was getting Leonard off her back.

There was a soft, hesitant tread behind her and a soft voice inquired, "Cap'n?"

She recognized his voice. "Is there a problem, Stuart?"

"Not with the _Queen_ or the crew," he said, and then paused.

"Then what is it? she asked, a little more sharply than she had meant.

"It's you, Cap'n. You ain't been yourself since we took the _Mariposa_. Not that I think the rest of the crew even noticed, but I could tell. You've always been good to me and didn't treat me any different when you… when you could have found reason to. You don't got anyone else on board you can really tell what's botherin' you, so I thought…" he trailed away sheepishly.

"So Raj didn't send you? Or Sheldon? Or Leonard?" she asked, with a scowl at the last name.

"No, ma'am, this just comes from me."

She looked back out over the water. "I've made a fool of myself," she said quietly after a long pause.

"Yer talking about Sheldon, right?"

"How do you know?" she asked, her cheeks instantly flushing red.

"Every time I seen you together, there's something between you. It's like the eye of a storm. Don't look like much, but you know something big's just a stone's throw away," Stuart said.

Penny shook her head. "I'm not so sure about that. You see, I… I kissed him and he acted like I just slapped him in the face with a week-old fish."

"Did he, or was he just startled? I don't think he's used to people much. Have you noticed how when any of the crew hails him or claps him on the back, he looks all spooked. It's like he expects everyone to hate him. Mebbe he never had a girlfriend neither."

She was looking at him with a dawning expression of comprehension on her face. "Leonard said he's never been interested in either men or women. Maybe that part at least was true."

"Consider the source, Cap'n," Stuart said sagaciously. "Leonard must've done something to make you pretty mad, given what you did to him."

Penny blinked at him in astonishment. "As soon as he finished telling me Sheldon couldn't possibly be interested in me, he tried to kiss me himself. I punched him," she added in smug satisfaction. "Do you think… do you think Sheldon might like me?" she asked, sounding uncertain for the first time Stuart could ever remember.

"Go talk to him. It's the only way to find out," he said with an encouraging smile.

She nodded, took two steps away, and then rushed back to give Stuart a very quick hug. "I'll keel haul you if you tell any of the other mates about that," she said with a twinkle in her eye, and then hurried away.

* * *

Sheldon tried to concentrate on the charts, graphs and calculations spread out before him, but it was no use. Ever since Leonard had gone to talk to Penny on his behalf, she had been assiduously avoiding him. He had tried to ask Leonard if something had gone wrong, but Leonard still wasn't speaking to him after Penny publicly humiliated him. With a sigh, he rolled up the nautical charts and placed them neatly back into the cubbyholes under the desk. He reached for the cabin door, intent on searching for Penny, but it flew open before he could take hold of it.

"Penny," he said in surprise. He swallowed hard. "Good, I was just about to go in search of you. Come in."

She gave him a strange look but came in shut the door behind her. She was twisting her fingers together in a way that he hadn't seen her do before.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked.

"You've been avoiding me," he accused.

She shrugged. "I really did need to examine the reinforcements Howard made to the bulwarks, especially since we've taken on such heavy cargo, but aye, I've been keeping my distance. I thought it was what you wanted."

He studied her face carefully but as usual, could get no clue about her feelings. He had always been hopeless at reading expressions. "No, I did not want that at all. Your absence has been a great inconvenience."

She took a couple of steps closer. "To your work, or to you?" she asked.

"Both, I suppose," he replied honestly.

They gazed at each other silently for a moment, then both of them started talking at once. After another awkward pause, Penny broke the silence.

"What Leonard told me about you… I never asked you if it was true. I just took his word for it, which I now realize was a crazy thing to do when he obviously had such a huge crush on me."

"I did ask him to speak for me, but it also occurred to me that he may not have relayed my message accurately. I wanted him to explain that I was not adverse to your display of ardor, but I simply had no previous experience in such matters. I had hoped that perhaps, at some point in the future, you might be induced to duplicate the event?" Sheldon asked, his nervousness causing him to retreat into verbosity.

"You mean you didn't mind that I kissed you, and you want me to do it again?" Penny's eyes lit up as she puzzled out his meaning.

His throat tightened, and all he could do was nod. It was enough. She took one more step toward him until their bodies were almost touching, then slid her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.

* * *

Penny wasn't sure how her crew was going to react when they found out about her and Sheldon. Since he was still sleeping in a hammock below decks with the rest of the men, it was clear that she was actually "sweet" on him, and not just using him for a good time. She found she didn't have to worry. Sheldon had already won enough of her men's respect both by his part in the capture of the _Mariposa_ and by the fact that he treated everyone on board equally. Since Penny had always avoided any romantic entanglements among her crew, no one was jealous, with the possible exception of Leonard. He had been careful to stay away from Penny ever since the mock flogging.

Using Sheldon's system, they were able to accurately pinpoint another cargo ship and seize its contents. The crew now treated him like one of their own, although Penny was sure that most of their ribald jests about his relationship with their captain were lost on him. The only crew member who wasn't happy was Kurt. Deprived of the limelight, he was jealous of how easily the crew transferred their loyalties to Sheldon. He never considered that they responded better to rewards than to the time-honored method of keeping order with his fists. Penny fretted over the situation even as her relationship with Sheldon grew closer and more intense. She wished she could just put Kurt off at the next port, but he had always been a good first mate. He deserved better, and besides, who would she then promote to first mate? Her crew consisted of twenty-four men, all excellent sailors, but she didn't feel any of them were leadership material yet.

As she was musing over this issue for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few weeks, there was a hail from the crow's nest: "Ship ahoy!" Grabbing up her spyglass, she peered through it. "Run up the flag for parley," she called. "It's the _Medusa_."

As the other ship glided closer, Penny swapped out her spyglass for a bull horn. "Ahoy the ship!" she yelled. Soon, a familiar figure with close-cropped curls appeared. With a smirk, the captain put out a plank and gestured Penny aboard. Penny trod confidently over to the second ship and looked down her nose at the captain, who was several inches shorter than she was.

"Princess," drawled the captain insultingly.

"Hag," Penny countered.

The other captain glared at her for a moment before they both burst out laughing. "How d'ye fare, Leslie?" Penny asked, her eyes dancing with merriment. Captain Winkler was a long-time acquaintance of hers and the only other female pirate captain in the Caribbean. They weren't exactly what Penny would call friends, but they had forged a relationship that was equal parts cooperation and competition.

"Can't complain, although rumor is you've seized a rich prize recently. I know it's not your usual sort of job, so I thought I could take them off your hands," Leslie said offhandedly.

From her casual tone, Penny knew that Leslie must actually want something from her pretty badly. "Nice try, but our gold is buried somewhere where you'll never find it," Penny shot back. She already had plans to spend most of her share on improvements to her ship, but pirates were supposed to bury treasure on some obscure little island, right? It wouldn't do to let word get out that money just slipped through her fingers.

Leslie raised her eyebrows. "Gold? So you've already collected the ransom money?"

"Ransom money? Wha… what are you talking about?" Penny asked.

"Three wealthy men, all nobility, were traveling in disguise aboard a merchant ship. The ship disappeared about a month ago, and the scuttlebutt says you're the one who captured her. You didn't toss them overboard, did you? Those three men were a prince, a duke, and an Indian ambassador's son. The gold you could get for their safe return could buy your leaky tub twice over."

Penny bristled at that slur about her ship, but a cold knot was forming in her stomach. Raj's ethnicity alone confirmed Leslie's story, not to mention Sheldon's arrogant, high-handed behavior. She knew instinctively that he was the prince. All this time, he'd been pretending that he cared about her, winning the trust and respect of the crew, when he could have the most pedigreed princesses in Europe for his bride. For all she knew, he was married already. Had it all just been a game to him? Had he been toying with her affections for his own amusement? Recalling his initial disdain of her entire ship's complement, she could well believe it.

All this flashed through her mind in a heartbeat. She knew she had to brazen it out with Leslie. "I did shanghai a few new crew members recently," she said nonchalantly. "But there were four of them, not three, and they were scholars from Berlin. I put them to work swabbing out the hold, but you can make me an offer for them if you want."

Leslie's face fell. "Never mind," she muttered sullenly, obviously fooled by Penny's bluff. "Maybe that merchant ship just went down in a storm."

"Better luck next time," Penny said facetiously as she swung back to her ship. Her carefree smile dropped the instant Leslie's vessel disappeared from view. She turned to the man standing closest to her. "Go get Sheldon, and bring him up on deck amidships. Make sure his hands are bound," she growled.

His eyes widened at the savage expression on her face. "Aye, Cap'n," he said, backing away quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Sheldon was brought up on deck, Penny had ordered a plank to be lashed in place, the long end dangling out over the ocean swells. Sheldon looked from her face to the bared sword in her hand to the plank. The crew mates had begun to gather, silent witness to the spectacle. He paled and swayed a little on his feet. "What is all this about?" he managed.

"You lied to me," she hissed. She shoved him toward the plank, and he was forced to step up onto it to avoid being impaled by the sharp point of her sword. "Or should I say, you lied to me, _your majesty_?"

A shocked murmur ran among the crew. All of them seemed to have assembled amidships, waiting to see what Penny was going to do.

"No, the correct term would be _your highness_ , if I wanted to go back to that life, which I do not. You may find it hard to believe, but I never cared for rank or privilege. All I wanted was the freedom to be able to carry out my research, unencumbered by the onerous duty of court appearances or the pressure to marry some suitable young lady."

Penny snarled and poked at him with her cutlass, forcing him further out onto the plank. "I'm no lady-never will be-and I'm about as far as you could get from suitable. Did it amuse you to make me fall in love with you?"

He met her gaze squarely. "No, but the feelings I have for you were so utterly outside my previous experience that it took me some time to realize that I am just as much in love with you."

Her jaw dropped, and for a moment, there was complete silence. A slight figure edged closer to her. It was Stuart who, in a barely audible voice, murmured, "Cap'n, look to your men."  
She wrenched her gaze away from the one whom she thought had betrayed her and scanned the faces of her crew. To a man, they were tense, wary and quiet as a dead calm. The silence should have tipped her off, and would have, had she not been so focused on punishing Sheldon for making her look foolish. The tip of her sword wavered, and then she slowly lowered her arm to her side. The only sound was the lapping of the waves against the hull and the creak of rope and canvas.  
"I hear you were once pardoned by a king," she said in a loud voice. "You must have the devil's own luck, for I find myself willing to offer you a reprieve as well."  
He turned and faced her. He stood tall and proud, looking supremely self-assured and yes, handsome too, despite the fact that he was standing there with his hands bound behind his back. It reminded her of the day they met, when he had claimed to be a simple scholar. He walked toward her, and it was clear he had gained his sea legs as he neither flinched nor looked down as he balanced on the narrow plank.  
"Do you also require an oath of loyalty from me?" he asked as he hopped lightly down from the gangplank. For the first time, his balance failed him, and he swayed. She lunged at him before he could fall and found that she was now clinging to him like a limpet. Her chin lifted, and she tried to tell herself it was for pride, rather than just so she could see into his stormy blue eyes.  
"What oath of yours could I trust?" she asked warily.  
"A two-fold one: First, I will join your crew as first mate..."  
Her eyes widened. Was he insane? She already had a first mate, one who could probably break him in two.  
"...which ought to counteract any putative authority I would have as your husband," he finished.  
"Husband?" she whispered in shock.  
One side of his mouth lifted in a rare smile. "Is that a yes?"  
She continued to stare at him as he said, "The reason all those cold fish blue bloods never appealed to me was that I had yet to meet my equal. I had to travel halfway around the world to find her, my pirate queen of the Caribbean.  
She dropped her hands and stepped back. There was one flaw in his plan, something he may have overlooked in his arrogance, but that she never could if she hoped to retain the respect of her crew.  
"I already have a first mate," she said. "Were you planning on having him take your place on the plank?"  
He took another step toward her, so close she could feel the heat of his body. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I love you, even when you are being a silly, stubborn wench." Then he straightened and said in a louder voice, "I will give up my share of the gold and any future gains to help you purchase a second ship, which Kurt would captain under your command. You will build your own fleet and become the pirate queen in truth. Just say the word, your majesty," he declared, sweeping her a decent approximation of a courtly bow, despite the fact that his hands were still tied behind his back.  
She admired his cunning, the way he made it seem like it was all up to her even as he was manipulating the situation to his favor. Well, two could play at that game. She grinned and turned to her crew, almost spoiling the moment by laughing at the look of naked ambition on Kurt's face. Yes, it was time he was off her ship.  
She hopped up on a crate and yelled, "What say you, me hearties?" Their deafening cheers split the air. She waved her arms, urging them on. It was this sort of power that she loved. Finally, she cut Sheldon free and pulled him up beside her.  
"Kurt, it shall be your first official duty as captain to marry us," she called out. "But as I'm a lawless wench, I have no intention of waiting for my wedding night!" She pulled Sheldon's face down to meet hers in a long passionate kiss, to a chorus of wolf whistles and lewd suggestions from the crew.  
"A double round of grog for everyone!" she cried, laughing as Sheldon jumped off the crate and pulled her into his arms. This time, he was the one who took her breath away with his kisses as his nimble fingers began working at the knots at the back of her bodice. They stumbled back to her cabin and slammed and bolted the door behind them.

* * *

A few days later, the _Queen of the Seas_ dropped anchor in a bustling Caribbean port. Now that Kurt had pledged a portion of his loot to her for the next five years, Penny had no problem putting up her share of the gold to buy another ship. Raj and Howard had also contributed their gold, each confessing privately to her that their families were already rich enough. All three of Sheldon's friends chartered passage on a heavily-armed brigantine bound for Paris. Eventually, they would make their way back to the university in Berlin. All three would swear to Sheldon's family that he had been killed in the initial attack on the merchant ship.

Sheldon stood by Penny's side with his arm around her waist. Sunlight glittered on a new gold hoop in his left ear as he solemnly waved goodbye to his friends. (He had fainted when the piercing was done, but Penny had been the only witness. He knew she would keep his secrets… all of them.)

Leonard, Howard and Raj waved back before climbing in the waiting carriage.

"Last chance to change your mind," Penny said softly. "Are you sure you won't regret staying?"

He leaned down and captured her lips with his before he answered, "Never. It's the pirate life for me."

* * *

 _A/N: And now that song is stuck in your head. You're welcome. Seriously, big thanks to all my readers for waiting patiently for the end of the story. Hope it was worth the wait!_


End file.
